Overwhelmed

It’s been a rough January, ya’ll. Based on the number of memes I’ve seen on Facebook claiming January to be 87,439 days long, I think everyone else is feeling it too. We don’t even have cold weather to complain about here, so we should be exempt! But even without the cold, it’s so very long.

I’m going to stop here for a minute and get real. I created this website two years ago because I wanted to be a voice for single moms. I read so many amazing websites about so many things; but rarely do I read about all these things from a single mom’s perspective. We have different experiences and different hurdles to climb, as well as different joys to celebrate. There are so many of us, and so few public voices sharing our experiences. I’m pretty sure it’s because we’re too tired. Haha. For example, two paragraphs in, and I’ve had to get Cash a snack, run his bath, check on his bath water, and something else I’ve already forgotten… just to get this far. But I sit back down and just keep typing.

We are having issues with our schedule and Cash’s schooling. Without sharing too much of his story that’s not mine to tell, he’s behind, and the situation we are in with the public school is causing him to hate learning. If you mention a book, he shudders. If he catches a whiff that something is educational, he runs the other direction. It’s absolutely breaking my heart. It’s been like this for long enough to see that the situation isn’t going away or resolving itself; it’s only getting worse. I’m watching my child struggle and turn against learning.

I’ve been trying to play catch up with him at home. I read to him all the time, and lead discussions so they don’t sound “educational” and he is always so engaged. He loves doing science experiments and figuring out hard math equations in his head and cooking and exploring. But every morning when it’s time for school (and sometimes the night before) he grows lethargic. Sometimes there are actual tears, but most often I just watch him make himself sick, show signs of depression, and even panic. There’s just not enough time for me to undo what’s happening when the school system throws work at him that’s too advanced for his current level and makes him sit and stare at it for an hour and a half until the period is up. Also, how am I supposed to do homework with him (he doesn’t have much) AND fit in teaching him the way he actually needs to learn? Let me give you a little insight into our schedule (problem #2).

I wake up every Monday through Thursday at 5:30 am. I make coffee, write in my journal, pay bills, figure out our plan for the day, ect. Cash wakes up at 6:30 and I fix us both breakfast. I shower, get dressed and put on my makeup, fix both of our lunches, remind him 43 times to get dressed, pack our bags, check his homework folder, until we walk out the door between 8 and 8:10. I drop him off at school and start my commute to work. I usually walk in the office between 9:20 and 9:40. I rarely take a full lunch break. I can’t afford to eat out every day, and because I work downtown, walking around isn’t always super pleasant. There’s no running errands or getting anything accomplished, because of the location. I leave at 5pm to go pick up Cash from his after school program. I usually arrive there between 6 and 6:15, then we get home about15 minutes later. The second I walk in the door, I’m chopping vegetables and dealing with mail and a million other little things. Dinner usually happens close to 7. We wind down for about an hour (I’m doing laundry or dishes usually), then 8:00 is bath time. By 8:30 if we can, I read with Cash or sometimes he has homework. 9:00 is bedtime.

Whew. Did you catch that there’s not a lot of extra time in there? Also try and fit in: mowing the lawn, fixing minor repairs that come up, cleaning the entire house, taking out the trash, working the garden, trimming the bushes, getting the oil changed, doctors appointments and vet visits….you get the idea. Heaven forbid one someone get sick or injured or something breaks. I get to be responsible for it all. And somewhere in there….I’m supposed to teach my child so he can catch up to where they think he needs to be in school. Because certainly no one else is taking care of it. Also, things like extracurriculars or joining clubs or even getting super involved in a local church are exhausting options that we have a hard time even considering.

Thankfully, I get a wonderful break on Fridays, because I work from home. Those days look like this: I wake up around 6, I fix Cash breakfast and fix his lunch. I usually shower but don’t have to go full makeup or hair. I take out the trash. I take Cash to school and am home by 8:30. Sometimes I start work early, sometimes I fit in vacuuming the house or folding some laundry. I work from 9-5, sometimes a little later if I need to. If I need to get up and stretch, I switch out the laundry or unload the dishwasher, then get back to work. I fix a quick hot meal on my own stove for lunch. By the time 5:00 comes around, I’ve gotten a full day of work in and thanks to my well timed breaks, half my chores as well. I pick up Cash and the weekend begins. Those extra hours are heaven. H-E-A-V-E-N.

On weekends, I catch up on all of that other stuff I didn’t get to do, and hang out with my child. We do theme parks some days, lately he can be found with a pack of neighborhood kids running in and out of all the houses (including ours) on the block. I also work in some gardening, movie nights, and exploring.

I wanted to share with you, because I’m sure a lot of you can relate to these seasons, and hopefully it helps you not feel as alone in all of it. I’m working on finding some solutions, particularly to the school issues, and I will certainly keep you updated!