Empowered Relationships
"Could you show me how to hold this golf club?" "I just couldn’t use a power tool, I wouldn’t know what to do with myself." "Change my own tire? Um…no."
For ages, women have gotten a bad rap for pretending to be more helpless than they really are. To boost her man’s confidence, to make herself more attractive…maybe sometimes you’re scared, or just plain lazy. For whatever reason, we sell ourselves short in a lot of areas.
I have learned through being a single mom, that if I don’t do it, it just doesn’t get done (I have married friends that feel the same way). I learned to set (and empty!) my own mouse traps. Ew ew ew ew. I own a cordless drill, and a chainsaw, and have changed the battery in my car. I just left a friend’s house the other day with a power washer in the back of my car and an instruction booklet, with no clue how to use the thing. But I’ll figure it out.
Going back to my “you can do hard things” theme. If you have to, you’ll figure it out. If you don’t, then sometimes we just get scared or lazy.
You know what’s funny though? Women aren’t the only ones who do this. Everyone has the male friend who is completely helpless to get his own food or beer. Maybe it’s your own husband who would starve if you left town for a few days and didn’t leave out prepackaged frozen meals with the instructions on the counter. Do they know where you keep the extra rolls of toilet paper, or which drawer the scissors are in?
Before you start with the argument, “But I love waiting on my spouse…” you can stop there. I love waiting on my loved ones too. But it’s wayyy more fun when I know he’s capable of doing it himself, and I’m doing it to be nice, not because I have to.
I also think it’s okay to have roles in a relationship. If you hate mowing the lawn, and he loves working in the great outdoors, awesome. If he can’t stand numbers or spreadsheets, maybe you decide it’s your job to pay the bills. However, if he gets sick with the flu or has to go on a trip, you should still know how to take care of the lawn before city maintenance shows up with a ticket on your front door.
My point is, I think both parties will be so much happier and the relationship would take less strain if you are both empowered, not helpless. If I know my man is perfectly capable of getting dinner on the table, but I decide to fix him dinner every night when he gets off work, then I’m serving him, not slaving away for him. If he fixes that squeaky back door or hangs that picture for me, I’ll be thrilled. But I won’t resent him if he doesn’t get around to it because I know I can take care of it myself.
Let’s focus on creating relationships that make each other stronger, not encouraging codependency. And for goodness sakes, let's teach our kids some life skills so they aren't trading in an over-protective parent for a co-dependent spouse.