Giving

“Would you like to donate a dollar?”

“Would you like to throw in $15 for this present?”

“Would you like to bake cookies for this cause?”

“Would you like to buy a button or a t-shirt?” 

Support local merchants.

Buy gifts for your kid’s teachers, the support staff, the librarian. 

Tip anyone who is involved in any kind of transaction, even if all they did was take your order. 

Give the homeless your spare change. 

Buy gifts for every child your child is friends with, and don’t be cheap about it. 

Don’t forget about housewarmings, baby gifts, wedding gifts. 

Mother’s Day, Father’s Day, Valentine’s Day, Birthdays.

These are all asks I get, or societal expectations I’m supposed to fill, on a daily/weekly/monthly basis. Sometimes the recipient doesn’t even care, but I feel the expectation loud and clear. Especially as a single mom, I don’t even know how to begin to keep up. I feel guilty approximately 4 million times a day because I have to say “no.”  

It’s especially terrible when it’s someone you love. Deeply. Are heavily invested in. You want so badly to buy your best friend an amazing gift to celebrate that sweet new baby. You really want to show your child’s amazing teacher what an impact she’s had on his life, and thank her for all she does. I just literally can’t afford it. So what do I do? 

I make sacrifices where I can. I budget where I can find the money. I find creative ways to give, and make things from scratch when possible. I say thank you, a lot, and sincerely. I remember to call or text or send a note. I listen. I give my time and energy. I encourage. 

The simple fact is, as much as I want to pretend that I’m super human, or super rich. I’m really not. So I say no sometimes. I also give myself a little pep talk when I get that sinking feeling of shame in my stomach (put there completely by me), and say: 

It’s okay if you can’t do everything for everyone. You know your limits. These people you love would never want you to go into debt or not be able to eat or pay your bills because you bought them a present. You would NEVER ask that of them, they aren’t asking that of you either. I know that your natural instinct is to hide, to push people away because you’re embarrassed. But don’t take the cowardly way out. Show up, even if you’re embarrassed that you’re showing up empty handed. Be fully present for them, with whatever they need. That’s the best gift you can give to anyone.