Changing the soundtrack in your head

I've had something brought to my attention recently, an aspect about myself that I'm super not proud of.

I tend to interrupt people a lot.

Cash mentioned it in exasperation a week or two ago. I wondered to myself if it's something I just do with him since he's a kid, but I didn't think so. I usually try and treat him like a person, not a child, because this is a respect thing. Then I went on a date, and that person mentioned it as well. 

It made me really sad and more than a little embarrassed, because I am a person who cares about others. I want to hear everyone's stories, and what makes them tick. I read biographies, autobiographies, memoirs. I listen to podcasts nonstop. I crave what other people have to say....except, apparently, in my own life.

This morning I woke up and wondered what I'm supposed to do about it. Part of me was thinking some really bad things, like maybe I am selfish. Maybe I'm not who I thought I was, and I'm just stuck with that. 

Then I opened up Instagram and read a beautiful quote. 

"Beating ourselves up about all the things we think we're doing wrong becomes a litany that turns into white noise, until we don't even hear it anymore." - Rachel Hollis

In the past, when I've been confronted by a part of myself that I didn't like, my tendency was to tense up, defend myself to others, and then berate myself in private. Lately, I've been choosing life and growth and doing hard things, and I am proud of that. 

Instead of beating myself up for something that I do that is a bad habit, I'm going to be proud of myself for being honest with myself about it. I'm going to be proud that I'm the kind of person that is committed to change and growth, and I'm going to feel really good about the fact that I have control over change in my own life.

I'm not going to let a negative soundtrack run through my head, because change does not happen by us sitting around wishing for it; it comes from action. I can only act if I feel empowered, and sitting around feeling ashamed is not empowering. 

I don't want the lies to become white noise, because that is what ends up running your life. You end up running that litany through your head so many times that it becomes your base truth, and it becomes what you act on without even thinking about it. 

My base truth is changing. I am strong, and I can control the direction that my life takes. I am going to get up this morning, make a plan, and execute it. I'm going to make mistakes along the way. But I'm going to actively move in a direction that makes me a better listener, because that's a value that is important to me. I have control over where I'm going. So do you.