Unmentionables

I have a few unconventional parenting practices. I won’t tell you what they are, but I wondered if every parent doesn’t do this somehow. Something strikes a chord with you, so you do some research and decide you won’t give your kid red food coloring. Or you’ve decided that letting them cry it out isn’t for you. Maybe you’ve decided that you want to dress them in organic clothing or don’t want them to play with plastic toys. Whatever it is, you might have stumbled on it by accident, but then it just seemed...right. You know it sounds extreme, and if you post about it on Facebook or tell your sister about it, you’ll hear an earful. So you follow your gut, do it anyway, and don’t tell anyone. Anytime you step out of the norm, then people will have an opinion, and they will want to tell you about their opinion. “They are too old to be carrying around that blanket.” Well, it turns out I’m their Mama, and I get to decide (without you) what they can or cannot do and what they are too young or old for. I don’t want to hear it. 

I am a researcher. I read books and articles; I seek out experts. I talk to friends and acquaintances. I ask people for their opinions when trying to figure something out. Sometimes I’ve taken whole courses on it. By the time I decided, I’d already done all my fact-gathering. So when I say I’ve decided to let my child do ___. That’s it. I’ve already gathered all the information that I need. If you weren’t contacted during the fact-gathering phase, then either 1) I already got all the info I needed before I got to you, or 2) I don’t think this area is your jam. If you’d like to ask me genuine questions about what I’ve learned through my extensive research, I’d love to talk to you about it. But if you’re coming to me to tell me that I’m wrong or trying to give me some article without me asking you for help...no, thanks. 

I will add a little extra paragraph here about how it’s also okay to change your mind. Maybe you think making all the food for your baby from scratch is a great idea. You research it. You feel passionate about it. Then you try it for a few months and decide it isn’t for you. I think this is part of the reason we don’t talk to people about big ideas or things we are passionate about. If it’s weird, people will feel free to say, “I told you so,” when you course correct. Maybe you feel tempted to keep forcing something that’s not working so that no one can say I told you so. I want you to push that aside and quit the thing. You were so brave to try it out, and it was the right thing for you to try it, and now it’s okay to throw it out and say it’s not serving you anymore. We don’t have to take a big stand and do things forever. You’re allowed to listen to your gut. So...if it’s something you’re excited about, go for it! If it doesn’t work out, quit it! There is no shame or guilt in either.