Deciding to show up, even when things aren't going as expected
It’s Saturday morning. I’ve got a hot cup of coffee, I’m sitting up in bed surrounded by a dozen soft pillows, a few journals, and my Kindle. I’m not being bothered by anyone, as Cash is happily immersed into Saturday morning cartoons. And a moment ago I was working myself towards being pretty bummed out.
Why, you might ask? Thanks for your interest. I’ll tell you. Cash was sick yesterday; he’s feeling much better, but still running a little tiny bit warmer than normal today. He’s definitely not feeling up for the day I had planned. He might not tomorrow either, since these things tend to suck his energy.
The boyfriend’s kids are in a basketball league, and it’s not enough for him to go to their games...oh no. He has to go ahead and volunteer to help run and organize and referee every game the league is hosting, all morning, until it’s time for him to go into work for 8 hours. Why I decided to date a dedicated father who also loves to volunteer in organizational stuff is beyond me. Ugh, men, am I right?
Obviously, my complaining is dumb and fruitless. Cash’s getting sick, and the BF’s decision to be gone the one morning we usually all hang out doesn’t fit into my plans, but it also doesn’t ruin my life.
For as long as I can remember, I’ve had a difficult time adjusting to changes in plans, or fitting in something that didn’t go with what I had in mind for a situation. Sometimes it’s something small, and I can do a quick recalculation in my head, but sometimes it requires a bit more adjustment time. It’s just how I’m wired.
This weekend, I wanted to go to Epcot’s Festival of the Arts. I actually wanted to go last weekend, but Cash was too tired. So I planned it for this weekend and pictured us walking around, looking at artwork, being delighted by the sidewalk chalk drawings and nibbling on some fabulous food. Instead, I’m stuck indoors with only a book or housework, maybe a movie. I wanted to move, get outside, inhale some fresh air and see something new, but no such luck.
I’m feeling a little spring fever (it hits early in Florida, since the weather is so lovely), and I think I’m just over being stuck inside for another weekend. But...I’m faced with a choice. I can sit around here and sulk, probably even move my way right towards resentful...or I can make some other plans.
I decided instead, that I’d like to show up for my life this weekend. I wrote out all the things I have to be thankful for, decided I might use the unexpected day off to make something, and be creative. Maybe I’ll paint some furniture, or make something for the wall in my bedroom. I might clean out the guest room and make a warm welcoming place for my guests to sleep. I might do some yoga on the back porch, or cook out on the grill. Perhaps I’ll write a post for my blog ;) And every day, I’ll keep doing that same thing, fighting to show up for my life, even when everyone isn’t adhering to my (far superior) schedule.