No tight ropes for me, please.

I have an important announcement. I have hereby declared, in my 36th year of life, that life balance is not a thing. It's not something that I'm going resolve to be better at, and it's not something I'm going to beat myself up for being really, really bad at. 

I picked up somewhere in my younger years that all I need to do is be able to achieve balance, and my life will be perfect.  Eat well 80% of the time, bad 20% of the time, consistently, week to week and you'll stay pretty healthy. Work out 3 days per week for 30 minutes. Have a fixed budget that does not vary from month to month. Slate out a certain amount of time each week for meal planning, playing with Cash, doing housework, having "me" time, social time, yard work..... And if you figure out that formula, and then STICK WITH IT, nothing bad will happen. You'll be able to do all the things, and be fit and pretty and not drop any balls, ever. 

Guess how well that's been working out for me? What actually happens is: I eat poorly during summer and during the holidays, and when my jeans no longer fit, I'll start eating much healthier and also get super excersize-y until they do. I may need to spend more money on school supplies this month, and new tires next month, and then after that maybe I'll redecorate the living room or go to Disney World. One month we may go out to eat a lot because we are traveling or have visitors, another month we may eat a lot of bologna and Ramen. And you know what? I'm sick of feeling guilty about it. 

I always want to keep striving to eat healthier. I'll always have fun reorganizing systems to see if I can save some time or make something prettier. I want to set goals for our finances and knock them out one by one. But I no longer think that the only way to achieve anything is to perfectly balance it all, all the time. 

I know now that I'm simply not built that way.

I get a little rush going on a shopping spree for clothes and getting all kinds of new things at once. I enjoy going on a healthy kick and researching wholesome nutritious meals to feed my family. I love making all kinds of decadent treats in December and handing them out to my friends. I just think life is more exciting chasing after things with enthusiasm. 

I get absolutely no joy or satisfaction over doing the exact same thing every day to keep everything restored in balance. I also have the sneaking suspicion that life would not succumb to my perfect plan anyways. 

These days, I'm more focused on life satisfaction. Which means that some seasons may have me working a little more, exercising a little less, or living on a tighter budget, and that's totally okay. I'm going to enjoy the ups and downs and correct as needed, and stop feeling guilty that it doesn't stay perfectly balanced.