It's okay, you'll get it next time
The following is an excerpt from my journal from October 2015, and a wonderful reminder of a moment when Cash taught me a great lesson. I hope you find encouragement from it.
This morning, I drove Cash to school on the scooter. Driving him to school in the morning on the scooter has been one of the best things about this school year. I have had lots of friends and acquaintances tell me how happy it makes them to see him and I scooting along through the drop off line on my little scooter. Both of us in our “biker” jackets, his little white helmet perched on his head. One friend confided in me one day that she was having one of “those” days with her kids one morning when she was driving by, and she saw us, and it brightened her whole morning.
These stories make me so happy. That’s the main reason I bought the thing. It’s not 100% practical for a single mother of a 5 year old to buy a scooter. They are dangerous and it was a “reckless” expense, and I just decided I didn’t care anymore. I had always wanted one, and I was tired of waiting on the right time. So I bought it for myself for Mother’s day.
I am very careful, and only ride it in town. Every time Cash rides with me I drive a little slower, stay on side roads, and make sure he wears the proper gear. It has been so much fun. In Bob Goff’s novel Love Does, he talks about his son buying a sailboat and naming it The Story, and how he wants to buy one and name it Whimsy. I feel exactly that way about this bike.
This morning I drove him to school, and as we were getting off, I realized that I had forgotten to put on his helmet. We had ridden 6 blocks through morning traffic the whole time and he wasn’t wearing his helmet. I panicked. I felt so so guilty. The guilt level is always just barely at bay when you are driving a kid on a scooter anyways. Aren’t those things dangerous? Do you know what could happen if you wrecked? No one says these things to me, to be honest everyone has been so super cool about it, but I feel like people are going to say it. So this morning when I showed a small lapse of caution, I freaked out. I told him "OMG, We forgot to put on your helmet! Whatever you do, do not tell anyone about this!!!"
I would like to mention here that I do not ever encourage him to keep secrets. I make sure to live a life in front of him (and even not in front of him) where we don’t have to. Live out in the open. Don’t do anything in private that you wouldn’t do in public. It’s actually just good advice, because 5 year olds are terrible at secrets anyways. But that morning, I panicked, and the words filled with shame just poured out of me.
That’s when he looked up at me and said, “It’s okay Mom. We just forgot this time. It’s not anything to freak out about. We will remember next time.”
Those wise words in a calm voice coming out of that sweet face had an amazing effect on me. And I remembered. It is okay. Certainly, I need to remember to make him wear his helmet. But the moment was over. I didn’t need to feel shame about it. I needed to just remember to do better next time, and move on. We were okay.